Darkside Zodiac
by kurohime1024
Summary: Hello everyone. I was recently cleaning my room when I came across Stella Hyde's book, Darkside Zodiac', wedged between my bed and my wall. I enjoyed it so much, that I couldn't resist pushing it on my friends in the Naruto universe. … Bad idea. rated for people like Hidan.
1. Opener

**I know some of my readers are going to be like "hey, update your other stories, why the heck are you starting a new one?"**

**Well, I have to say, I just couldn't ignore this. It popped in my head, and just kept coming back, so I thought, hey, why not just type it and post it, so it will leave me alone?**

**So…here it is.**

**Oh and disclaimer. I don't own Naruto or it's characters, nor do I own '**_**Darkside Zodiac' **_**by Stella Hyde. This is purely for enjoyment purposes. Please don't sue me!**

Hello everyone. I was recently cleaning my room when I came across Stella Hyde's book, _Darkside Zodiac', _wedged bteween my bed and my wall. I'd forgotten just how funny (and sometimes true) it was, and started reading right away.

I enjoyed it so much, that I couldn't resist pushing it on my friends in the Naruto universe.

…

Bad idea.

Soon after, letters and emails started pouring in faster than Harry's first year of Hogwarts. I decided to meet up with some of the, erm, critics, in a large circle type group discussion.

…

_Also _a bad idea.

This is what they had to say.

**I highly recommend reading Stella Hyde's **_**Darkside Zodiac, **_**it was extremely entertaining, and made me giggle like a schoolgirl on several occasions. If you have the time, or the energy, I would totally encourage you all to read it. Super funny.**


	2. Aries

**Second chapter, up and up. Teehee, I had total fun writing the couple chapters of this that I have so far. **

**Sasuke: Oh, whatever. When do I come in?**

**Me: Not for a couple chapters, at least. **

**Sasuke: Hmmm, this is not acceptable. Fix it.**

**Me: I dun wanna, n u can't make me!**

**Sasuke: ….**

**Sasuke: U win this round. But I'll be back!**

**Me: Yea, in a couple chapters or so.**

**Sasuke: You can't see it, but I'm flipping you off. **

**Me: O^O**

**Sasuke: Yep. **

**Me: Hmph, whatever, Sauce-gay. On another note, I don't own Stella Hyde's **_**Darkside Zodiac, **_**nor do I own Naruto, or its characters. **

**Enjoy!**

Day one, Aries.

Aries (March 21-April 20)

Aries is a masculine cardinal fire sign ruled by Mars. It is the first sign in the zodiac wheel, directly opposite Libra, and is named for the constellation Aries (the ram), which shouts and struts behind the Sun at this time of the year.

On the Darkside, this makes you a loud, overconfident thug with way too many Y chromosomes and a will of titanium-clad granite.

"The fuck is this?" Hidan (April 2) shouted angrily. "This shit is fucking retarded! 'An overconfident thug'? Well fuck you!"

"I agree with the foul mouthed caveman. How dare you insult me? Do you know who I am?" Hanabi Hyuuga (March 27) sniffed.

"Uh, guys-" I start, but get cut off.

"Too many Y chromosomes? Aggressive?" Sakura Haruno (March 28) glared me down. "I'm not aggressive, damnit!"

"Uh…ok?" I say meekly, backed into the corner with no window to jump out of.

"You don't sound very sincere." Hanabi said, a dark aura surrounding her.

"I do like the will of titanium-clad granite, though." Sakura conceded, but I could see in her eyes that Inner was hardly placated.

"Man, fuck all of you. I don't want to be a gay-ass ram anyway." Hidan huffed before wrenching the door open, leaving it hanging by only one hinge.

"Again, the Neanderthal had a point." Hanabi said while rolling her eyes. "This book is for losers." *leaves*

"I'm still on the Y chromosomes. Are you calling me manly?" Sakura bit out. "I happen to be very feminine, thank you very much!"

Naruto popped his head through the doorway. "Hey Sakura-Chan, do you want to-"

"Move it Naruto! *smashes hole through wall instead of using door* "I'll show you how feminine I am!"

"Well," I say to no one "that went better than expected."


	3. Taurus

**Hello, and welcome to Dancing with the Stars!**

**Sasuke: *Pokes with stick* Hey dumbass, that's not what this is.**

**Me: No? Well then, welcome to whatever this is!**

**Sasuke: *Sigh* you are reading **_**Darkside Zodiac, **_**in case you forgot.**

**Me: Hahaha, ah, yes, I knew that, I was testing you! Good job, Sasuke, you pass.**

**Sasuke: *Eyeroll* And since the author is so irresponsible, I will do the disclaimer. **

***Deidara pushes Sasuke into a bush***

**Deidara: No, un! I wanna do it! I'm in this one!**

**Sasuke: *Glares* No, I'm her helper for this story. Go away.**

**Deidara: Damn you, Uchiha, un! I'll show you what true art is!**

**Me: Hey, hey, we're all friends here, no need to blow Sasuke to bits. His fangirls would assassinate me. **

**Deidara: But…**

**Me: No. Bad Dei-chan. **

**Sasuke: Hehehe**

**Me: Sasuke, don't be mean. Deidara, if you want to, you can to the disclaimer for this chapter.**

**Deidara: Hooray! *sets off fireworks***

**Me: *Sweatdrop***

**Deidara: Ok, un. Kurohime1024 does not own Stella Hyde's **_**Darkside Zodiac, **_**nor does she own Masashi Kishimoto's **_**Naruto, **_**or its affiliated characters.**

**Me: *Pats Dei on head* Good job, Deidara! That was very official sounding!**

**Deidara: Hehe, thanks, un. I used to have a job as a broadcast announcer.**

**Me: ?**

Day 2, Taurus

Taurus (April 21- May 21)

Taurus is a feminine fixed Earth sign ruled by Venus. It is the second sign on the zodiac wheel, directly opposite Scorpio, and is named for the constellation Taurus (the bull), which plods and bellows behind the Sun at this time of the year.

On the darkside, this makes you a stubborn, sybaritic (a devotee of luxury and the sensual vices) rut bound bully fueled by dull resentment and an insatiable love of money.

"That doesn't sound like me, un." Deidara (May 5) said with a scowl.

"Well," I say, "sometimes there's things about ourselves that we just don't see."

"I'm not a bully, though!" Kankurou (May 15) exclaimed.

I sweatdrop.

*Flashback of Kankurou picking on Konohomaru before the Chunin exams*

He grimaced. "Long time ago." Was his only defense.

I grin. "I think the most Taurus-like of the three of you is Chouji.

"Why's that, un?" Deidara asked, still miffed about the description. Dull resentment. HA! What crap.

"Because," I continue, "there's a part later on in the Taurus section that says that Taureans don't anger easily, but when they do, after a few days as a cool-off period, only those armed with chocolate may approach.

Chouji Akimichi (May 1) looked up from his chips. "Are you calling me fat?"

"Of course not!" I say hurriedly, but it's too late.

"I'M NOT FAT! I'M JUST BIG BONED!"

*Human Wrecking Ball*

"Ahhhh!"

He bashed through tht yellow tape haphazardly criss-crossing the hole Sakura made yesterday, to roll away.

A few minutes later, screams and fire can be seen from the nearby town.

Kankurou moves to stand beside me.

"See, now THAT'S a bully."

I sigh.

**I'm going to tell you every chapter. You have to go out and read Stella Hyde's book, **_**Darkside Zodiac. **_**Make it your new Icha Icha Paradise if you have to! I read it every time I have a bad day, it never fails to make me laugh.**


End file.
